Have you ever felt like there is so much noise around you? Are you overwhelmed and worried about things you shouldn’t necessarily worry about at your age/stage? Do you feel anxiety gnawing at you in your chest making it so hard to breathe sometimes? And everyone and everything makes you so angry? You constantly feel like you’re not doing enough, you're underperforming. Or you feel like the passion that once drove you to accomplish what you wanted has been stolen. You feel like for your age, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with a lot of things you deal with.
Am I overshooting or is this exactly where you are at the moment? :’)
Well, so am I.
Hello there, welcome back or if you’re new, hii, I’m Tatyana and I just share bits and pieces of my life on here :3. So without further ado, let’s get into the topic.
Living Life = Pure Confusion
Well… that might not be completely true, but that’s how it feels for most of us. I’m currently writing externals right now and just received the results for one of the exams I wrote. Since then, I have not been able to recover from “underperformance”.
“You didn’t do this.”
“You were supposed to do that.”
“You could’ve done this.”
“[redacted] is doing that, that’s why they’re performing better than you.”
“You did this, but you didn’t do that so what did you expect?”
Some of these are opinions I’ve heard around, some of these are opinions I’ve made in my head as a ripple effect of all the noise going on around me. To be honest, I really do not know where to go from here. I used to love reading and doing all I was doing because it made me happy, but also because I needed to. But now, not so much. But does it matter?
No. No, it doesn’t
As much as I don’t know what I’m doing right now, that’s life for you. People are going to have opinions on what you should and should not do, even though they can’t even do half of what you’re doing. Is it fair? No. But does it happen? Yes, it does. It’s okay to feel disappointed at the reactions you get. It’s okay to get angry at some comments made by others that are indeed very insensitive, even if they think they’re doing what’s best for you (sometimes they are, and others they’re not). What matters is what you do about it. Are you going to sit down and sulk? Or are you going to actually do something about it? Not for anyone else, but for yourself. It’s not easy, if anything the more you advance, the less support you get. However, you need to persevere. You need to push forward. You can’t afford to just sit down and do nothing or sit down and sulk. You need to get up and push yourself beyond your boundaries. Not to prove a point to anyone, but to do the best you can for yourself. To achieve those crazy goals you set.
And above everything, don’t compare. No, they aren’t better than you. No, they’re not achieving more than you are. No, they’re not working harder than you. And even if they are, so what? You know where you’re going, so put in the work for you. Not because you need to prove a point to your parents, family, teachers, schoolmates, friends or anyone in general.
This is usually shorter than what I usually post, but I do hope that I did get my message across <3.